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Budget Day: Tax Relief on Reacharounds? Free ads! Sell that unwanted Rusty Trombone on the Hearing Trumpet

December 9, 2009

A tremendously bad confluence of events has occurred this morning. My meeting was cancelled, I got about nine hours’ sleep, it’s budget day, and I’ve been watching X-Ray Spex videos online, and that’s feeding the Wednesday rambunction.

Atop all this, Bendunne.com has decided to offer its ads FOR FREE until the 18th of December which, incidentally, is also Answer the Phone Like Buddy The Elf Day. More popular and better blogger than I, Twenty Major has some of Bendunnedotcom’s highlights, and as luck would have it, the universe, being generally against me when I’ve had too much sleep – the only time I am more dangerous than when I’ve had not enough sleep, or am hungry or have had too much sugar, which is most of the time – the Bendunnedotcom website is ‘down for maintenance’. Which I am going to assume means “down until we can find some fucking internet person who can find a way to keep people from putting joke ads on the site, considering how difficult it already is to tell the difference between existing ads and joke ads because you can buy a single goose egg and/or some kid’s Wii that he threw at his ma after playing it only once and covering it with Manchester United stickers”.

Ugh. So I’m opening up my site here to your free ads. Go on. All you people who find my blog by googling – you fucking sickos “Are Jedward Virgins?” or “sad story about a rusty trombone or trumpet” and generally make me feel like I’m accidentally hanging around the back alleys of the internet being given more information about who’s giving whom a hand job than I ever even considered wanting to know about. All you people, and all you people’s people. Just go on.

Because today, on Budget Day, I reckon I’m not the only one who’s gonna have to start hawking her personal possessions to pay for The Christmas. So please, friends, feel free to use the Itty Bitty Hearing Trumpet to raise funds to buy that special someone you’ve been waiting for.

BTW, real ads will be altered and mocked.

I’ll start.

FOR SALE:

Not Actual Size. Item is Emailed Image; Actual Mickey Potato Was Left In Pub

ITEM: Picture of solid handcrafted mickey carved out of a potato, with image of same mickey reflected in mirror behind. Used once. Not to scale. Will email image as soon as payment clears. Must buy both, no discounts for reflection only, so stop asking. Not dishwasher safe or weatherised. No time wasters.
Note: Actual mickey was left in pub. Item is digital image.
PRICE: 60,000euro+VAT
CATEGORY: Items for sale>Food>Mickeys

(NOTE: I didn’t take this pic, but I was involved with its creation. Credit goes to this guy)

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